Thankful

I was driving home after doing a Target run with Austin. I was listening to our designated San Diego Christmas music station and the music was festive. They were doing a fundraiser that morning for a local children's hospital. The DJ came on and sounded somber. He said that the mood was grim in the hospital cafeteria. There had been a shooting at an elementary school in Connecticut and the death toll was up to 20 children, mostly in Kindergarten. Immediately, I felt nauseous and my eyes welled with tears. How could this happen? Why did this happen? What evil coward would dare ruin the lives of these children and their families and forever traumatize their classmates? It was a sad moment for me, as I heard the babble of my baby in the backseat. He had no idea of the incredible evil that exists in the world. He assumes at this moment that his needs will always be met and anyone he smiles at will smile back at him. I thought of Parker who feels safe going to school, playing innocently and living life everyday without a care or worry (besides the clowns in his dreams). I was sad to think that he will reach an age where he will hear of atrocities like this one and fear going to school. But it's not just at school, there is a battle between good and evil going on all around us. Homeschooling our kids is not the answer, staying out of shopping malls or movie theaters is not the answer. The answer is teaching our children to love and help others. It's about teaching our children that there is a God who loves us and will deliver us from all things. He is our ultimate protector. I am so impressed by the heroism of the teachers at that school. I am so in awe of the bravery of the children. And I know that though evil exists, good exists and will always win whenever we exercise our ability to love and respect our fellow man. I want to teach that to my children. And while I recognize that mental illness played a role in this tragedy, it does not excuse the act, or bring back the children who were taken from their families that day. My heart goes out to the families affected by this great tragedy. It seems like this is happening WAY too often these days.

While I will always do my best to protect my children, I am thankful to know that there is an ever present and loving God who loves them even more than I do. And He will usher those sweet children into his presence and give their families peace at this difficult time.

This blog serves as my journal and as a way to record my family's life. It's sad when there is an entry like this one. But I think when events like this happen in our world, it is a precious reminder of how fragile life is and how we need to appreciate our little ones and those around us. I feel like I often spend so much of my day telling Parker to do this or don't do that... when I should really be hugging on him and telling him how amazing he is. Or I get up in the middle of the night for the third time to feed Austin and my eyes are burning with exhaustion... but what a blessed reason to need to get up in the night. I need to remember that each day I have with them is a gift and I need to be thankful and present. I bet many of those families in CT wish their living room was a mess right now or that their child was complaining about eating all the vegetables on their plate. Because at least that was reminder that they were there. May I be more thankful. May I appreciate my children more. May I love a little harder.

To my sweet boys, I love you. 

Love, Mama